Redskins Name Change? . . . I've Got Suggestions.

Native Americans want the Washington Redskins to change their name.  President Obama agrees.  Based off the current government shutdown, I've taken the liberty of offering up some suggestions for the team that calls our nation's capital home.  How about the . . .

Washington Blowhards? . . . Or the Washington Asshats? . . . No.  I've got it!!  The Washington White Trash Fatties.  Right, it's a little long.  Could be the Washington WTFs for short, though.

A-Rod Sues MLB . . . No Surprise.

Alex Rodriguez is suing Major League Baseball over their investigation regarding his steroid use and his involvement in the Biogenesis scandal.  He is taking the stance of "How Dare You Use Incriminating Evidence Against Me."  And this is why you suck at life, A-Rod.  Enjoy your seat on the couch during the playoffs.

Mayweather Beats Canelo Then Goes Back To His Other Job

In a dominant showing on Saturday night, Floyd Mayweather Jr. unified 154-pound titles and reached the 45-0 mark by beating "Canelo" Alvarez.  Immediately after the fight, Mayweather focused his attention on his other job . . . beating women.  We all know that women should not be beaten . . . except maybe for CJ Ross who scored the fight 114-114.  She is the same judge who stole a victory from Manny Pacquiao recently.  Dear CJ, get your head out of your ass.  If no other judge sees the fight like you see it, maybe its time to reassess your judging criteria.

Story here.

Sanchez To Have Surgery . . . Jets Fans Say "No Problem"

New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is likely to have season-ending surgery on his injured throwing shoulder.  Commented Jets fans, "Don't rush back . . . In fact, have two surgeries."

http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/9663997/mark-sanchez-new-york-jets-likely-headed-surgery-labral-tear-shoulder-end-season-sources

Jaguars Get Destroyed By Chiefs . . . But, At Least They Looked Good

The Jacksonville Jaguars have new uniforms this season.  Apparently, the owners are trying to distract fans from realizing how crappy their team is.  The uniforms did not distract the Chiefs, though- Kansas City decimated the Jaguars in Jacksonville yesterday 28-2.  Don't worry Jags- Lots of teams put a "2" up on the final scoreboard . . . but they play baseball.

Story here.

Peyton Throws For 462 Yards & 7 TDs?! . . . STFU!!

The Broncos trounced the Ravens 49-27 thanks to Peyton Manning's golden arm which threw for 462 yards and 7 touchdowns . . . Yep, 7.  7 is also the number of episodes that will air before Lebron's new sitcom gets cancelled.

Story here.

Former Bear Urlacher Revealed That Players Would "Take A Dive"

Former All-Pro linebacker and Chicago Bear Brian Urlacher admitted that, when he played, they would slow down other teams by asking players to intentionally fake injuries.  In baseball, this practice is known as an "A-Rod."

http://espn.go.com/chicago/nfl/story/_/id/9634085/brian-urlacher-admits-chicago-bears-faked-some-injuries

UGA Receiver Gets Injured . . . While Celebrating?!

UGA Wide Receiver Malcolm Mitchell was injured during the Bulldogs loss to the Clemson Tigers this past weekend.  But it wasn't on a spectacular catch or a key block.  Nope.  Mitchell was injured while celebrating in the end zone after teammate Todd Gurley rushed for a 75-yard touchdown in the first quarter of the game.  Mr. Jones (John Witherspoon's character from "Friday") has a question for Mitchell . . . How the hell you gonna get injured on your play off?!

That one was for you, Dad.

http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/9625483/malcolm-mitchell-georgia-bulldogs-hurts-acl-celebrating-teammate-td

Pats Cut Tebow - Belichick Turns Out To Be The Devil

Tim Tebow was cut by the New England Patriots this week.  This confirms what we already expected . . . Bill Belichick is Beelzebub.

If cutting Tebow wasn't enough evidence for you, consider this-

1) Belichick cheated by stealing other teams' signals during Spygate

2) Belichick prefers to play on Sundays thereby distracting people from going to church and

3) Belichick is Miley Cyrus' real father

Aaron Hernandez Indicted For Murder

When Aaron Hernandez's family found out that he had been indicted for murder, they were distraught.  However, they were not nearly as distraught as the millions of Caped Crusader fans who just found out that Ben Affleck will be their new Batman.

http://espn.go.com/boston/nfl/story/_/id/9591709/aaron-hernandez-former-new-england-patriots-tight-end-indicted-murder-charge

Iverson Retires . . . Wait, Didn't That Already Happen?

Allen Iverson is officially retiring from the NBA which means its time to play . . . 

Things The Rest Of Us Knew That Allen Iverson Didn't!  Choose the correct answer!

A) PRACTICE makes perfect.

B) Being able to live comfortably after sports is more important than having a 40-person entourage.

C) Iverson stopped playing in 2010 . . . Which means he's been retired for a while now whether he likes it or not.

D) All of the above.

If you said "D" you just won a high five, a smile, and a butt pat from yours truly . . . Butt pat optional.

http://espn.go.com/nba/story/_/id/9590395/allen-iverson-set-retire-nba-report

Vick Named Eagles Starting QB . . . Duh!!

All eyes are on Michael Vick . . . Again.  It comes as no surprise to me that Chip Kelly gave Vick the nod as the Eagles starting QB for the season.  Would I let him dog sit for me?  Hell no.  Would I like to watch him play football?  Absolutely.  Did I want to have Mike Tyson over to dinner after he bit off Evander's ear?  Not really.  But he was exciting- just like Mike Vick.  Vick is still a great player and deserves his starting job.  Which is something that we can't say for A-Rod.

http://sports.yahoo.com/news/eagles-coach-kelly-names-vick-154749566--nfl.html

Did A-Rod Throw His Own Teammate Under The Biogenesis Bus?

A report by "60 Minutes" on the Biogenesis scandal says that A-Rod 's camp leaked the names of Ryan Braun and Francisco Cervelli, who just happens to be Alex's teammate.  A-Rod says its not true.  At this point, I wouldn't believe Alex Rodriguez if he told me that 2 + 2 = 4.  Would you?

Story here.

Let Pete Rose in The MLB Hall of Fame Already!!

Pete Rose said that he should have taken up drinking, or drugs, or wife beating because if he had, he'd still be eligible for the MLB Hall of Fame.  Crass?  A bit . . . But about as true and real as it gets.  In my opinion, using PEDs like steroids and HGH is worse than gambling.  PEDs get you a 50 game suspension (longer in A-Rod's case), but Rose was banned for LIFE.  He is the all time hits leader and deserves to be in Cooperstown.  Tell us what you think . . .

http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sn-pete-rose-gambling-20130813,0,3427538.story#axzz2btGkkhyK

Klitschko vs Povetkin. Finally, a boxing match to get excited about!!

The younger of the two Klitschko brothers (Wladimir), aka "Dr. Steelhammer" (badass nickname), will be defending his multiple heavyweight belts against undefeated Russian boxer Alexander Povetkin this October.  Why am I talking about boxing?  Because its the first time that a match I actually care about seeing has been made in the last decade.  Pacquiao vs Mayweather will probably never happen.  Dumb.  So unless Hayden Pantera (incorrect, but better) injures the "Ukrainian Sensation" (my nickname for Klitschko) during bedroom gymnastics, we should be in for a damn good boxing match.  What a concept!!

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/boxing/2013/08/12/wladimir-klitschko-vs-alexander-povetkin-bout-october/2644209/

Mike Trout Says PED Users Should Get Lifetime Ban from MLB

During a radio interview for New York's WFAN, all-natural Angels slugger Mike Trout said that players caught using PEDs should be banned for life.  Do you agree with him?  And A-Rod, all-natural means that he doesn't inject himself with stuff.

Story here.

Braves Have Won 13 Straight. Other stories involving 13 . . .

The Atlanta Braves have 13 straight wins.  Other stories this week involving 13 . . .

The number of Scientoligists who just happen to be following Leah Remini right now.
The number of times Bruce Willis has justified to himself that he didn't need Expendables 3.
The number of times over the legal limit Robbie Knievel blew on the breathalyzer after his "RV Derby."

Subscribe to SportSlam on YouTube today!  More episodes coming soon.

UFC's Silva To Bring In Norris & Seagal For Next Camp

UFC legend and former champ Anderson Silva wants to bring in Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal to help him prepare for his title rematch against Chris Weidman.  If Silva's goal is to learn how to pretend fight, I'm pretty sure he already mastered that art in his first bout with Weidman.

Story here.

Did Manziel Take Cash For Autographs?

ESPN did a story on Outside The Lines in which it seems that Texas A&M's Heisman winner Johnny Manziel took money from autograph brokers.  Manziel was captured on video saying things such as, "you never did a signing with me" and a broker can be heard asking if he would take "additional cash for special inscriptions."  The word additional, as we all know, implies that there had to be some money on the table to begin with.  The NCAA is currently investigating the quarterback's shenanigans.  Here's my question for you, Johnny Football- Do you think you're above the law?  Well, I have a news flash for you, Walter Cronkite . . . You aren't.  There is only one man who is above the law and that is Steven Seagal . . . Skinny Steven Seagal, not fat Steven Seagal.  Fat Steven Seagal would be too easy to catch.

Cruise With Baseball Greats

MSC Cruises will allow fans to rub elbows with baseball greats such as the "Bash Brothers." Unfortunately, the cruise line mistakenly booked Chris Brown and Bobby Brown.

Note- Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco are not actually booked for this cruise.  However, the article does tell you which MLB stars will be along for the ride.